


Map of Hogwarts + 'A Beginner's Guide To Hogwarts'

by SheFlooLikeAMadman



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Harry Potter - Freeform, Harry Potter References, Hogwarts, Meta, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 02:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1923315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheFlooLikeAMadman/pseuds/SheFlooLikeAMadman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <br/>
    <span class="small"><b>GRYFFINDORS. </b>Go up the marble staircase and left, and keep travelling in that general direction; you’ll want to be going towards your left, because Gryffindor Tower is on the easternmost side of the castle, and you’re coming from the north/north-west. Once you reach the second floor, you can take a short-cut! Concealed behind a tapestry is a narrow staircase to the upper floors – but watch out, there’s a vanishing trick-step in the first flight up, just before you reach the suit of armour. </span>
    <br/>
  </p>
</blockquote><br/><b>A guide for people writing fic set in good old Hoggy Warty Hogwarts, who want to know where everything is, it’s a first-person walk-through, written as if a Prefect is handing out pamphlets to all the poor ickle firsties! ^_^’</b><p> </p><p>  <span class="small">( <i>Includes a <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1923315/chapters/4151205"><b>map</b></a> I made, back before the new illustrated editions came out when we still had no official guide, <a href="http://www.hp-lexicon.org/atlas/hogwarts/atlas-h-jkrmap.html">based on JKR's.</a></i> )</span><br/>  <span class="small">( <i>UPDATE: now includes a rough map of Hogsmeade, too.</i> )</span></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Map

**Author's Note:**

>   
>   
>   
> 
>  
> 
> a - b e g i n n e r ’ s - g u i d e - to
> 
>  
> 
> **H O G W A R T S**
> 
>  
> 
> b y 
> 
> A . P r e f e c t .
> 
>    
>   
>  _written & Illustrated by_  
>   
> [SheFlooLikeAMadman](http://shefloolikeamadman.tumblr.com/post/91206566931/a-beginners-guide-to-hogwarts-x-a-handy-guide)  
>   
>   
> [ last edited: 31/08/2016 ]  
>  
> 
> CONTENTS. 
> 
> [1\. Map.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1923315/chapters/4151205)
> 
> [2\. Your First Night.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1923315/chapters/4151298)
> 
> The Journey.
> 
> How You Get to School.
> 
> What You'll See:
> 
> How To Get To Your Common Room,  
>  _for Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, Slytherins._
> 
> [3\. Your First Day.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1923315/chapters/4151325)
> 
> What You Need to Know.
> 
> The Seven Subjects and Where to Find Them.
> 
> Finding the Teachers.
> 
>    
> [4\. Your First Week-end.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1923315/chapters/4151346)  
>    
> Hogsmeade: How to Get There and What to Do Once You Have.
> 
> Quidditch.
> 
> In the Grounds.
> 
> In the Castle.
> 
> The Hazards of Being a Student.
> 
> Writing Home.
> 
>    
> [5\. Charts:](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1923315/chapters/4151514)
> 
> Hogwarts & Environs.  
> Objects and Curiosities in the Castle.
> 
> _Good Luck!_  
> 

[ ](http://oi67.tinypic.com/316uctj.jpgg)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **on the Orientation of the Map:**  
>  In POA JKR rather confusingly describes the sun as if it's setting behind the Forbidden Forest:
>
>> " _The sun was already sinking behind the Forbidden Forest, gilding the top branches of the trees._ " (PA16)
> 
> Meaning it would have to be in the west, but her own map places it to the _east._  
>  I think this may have been a simple mistake, done out of a writerly desire to add some nice poetic description, when she could have said that the setting sun shone _on_ the Forbidden Forest, gilding the top branches of the trees.  
>  This is, after all, the same book where Ron very definitely says:
>
>> ‘ _That’s south. Look, you can see a bit of the lake out of the window …_ ’ (PA6)


	2. Your First Night

 

**_THE JOURNEY. . ._ **

  
After catching the 11am: Hogwarts Express (from Platform 9¾) at King’s Cross, you arrive at Hogsmeade Station, which is not in Hogsmeade itself, but stands alone on the eastern side of a lake.

 

* * *

 

 

**SECOND YEARS AND UP**

 

You leave the platform and are greeted by a fleet of black, apparently horseless carriages (they’re actually being drawn by invisible black winged skeleton-horses called Thestrals; nothing to worry about). 

Once everyone’s in, four to a carriage, you trundle up a road which starts on the left-hand side of the station platform and runs all along the Hogwarts boundary wall. 

After about a mile you pass the lights of Hogsmeade on your left, then the road curves round to the right through a pair of tall gates, flanked on either side by stone pillars topped with statues of winged boars. 

You’re now travelling up the long sloping drive to Hogwarts castle, the sun setting over the mountains on your right.

As you draw nearer the castle, there’s a wide sweep of velvet lawns on your right sloping down to the Lake beyond – there’s a beech tree and a tangle of shrubs down there, perfect for sunbathing. 

After about half a mile, the entrance of the castle is before you; it’s a pair of oak doors at the top of a flight of stone steps, all overshadowed by the crenellated battlements of the Astronomy tower.

Then it’s out of the carriages, up the steps, and into the Entrance Hall. . .

 

* * *

  
 

**FIRST YEARS**

  
You leave the platform and walk down a steep, narrow path hemmed in on either side by thick pine trees.

This path bends round and emerges onto the edge of the lake, across which Hogwarts Castle is now visible, perched atop a high cliff. There’s a fleet of small boats sitting in the water by the shore, and you cross the lake in these, four to a boat. 

At the foot of the cliffs, you pass through a curtain of ivy, then along a dark tunnel (which leads underneath the castle) and into an underground harbour of rocks and pebbles. You climb up a steep passageway in the rock and come out onto a smooth lawn (now on the north side of the castle). The entrance, (a large pair of oak doors), is right in front of you, up a flight of stone steps.

These will swing open and you'll find yourself facing the Deputy Head of the School... 

 

 

* * *

 

  
_When you walk into the Entrance Hall. . ._

  
It’s huge – big enough to fit a whole house in – and so vast that the ceiling is too high to make out.

It's very medieval looking, with flagged-stone floors, and stone walls lit by flaming torches and hung with magical paintings (whose occupants can move and talk!) Most noticeable is a magnificent marble staircase, directly facing you as you walk in (this leads to the upper floors). 

There are doors on either side of this staircase, as you look at it. Both doors lead down into the dungeons, but the door on the _right_ leads to the Kitchens (underneath the Great Hall, where all the meals are served) and the Hufflepuff common room, whereas the door on the _left_ leads down a narrow staircase to the Potions Master’s Office and the Slytherin common room. 

Four giant hour-glasses stand in niches up on the wall. There are different coloured precious stones inside each one, representing the house-points for each house: rubies for Gryffindor, sapphires for Ravenclaw, diamonds for Hufflepuff, and emeralds for Slytherin.

To your right are the double-doors leading into the Great Hall and, near them, a broom-cupboard.

To your left, one door leads into the corridor which contains Classroom 11 and the Staff Room (there is a nice sheltered courtyard off this corridor, where students often congregate during break, although you're allowed to stay inside the castle if the weather's foul) , and another door which opens into a small ante-chamber. 

 

 **First Years:** the Deputy Head will usher you through this door on the left hand-side, and you'll wait in the small ante-chamber for a couple of minutes until it's time to be Sorted. This happens in the Great Hall...  

 

 

**THE GREAT HALL**

 

Is another vast rectangular room.

To your right, as you stand in the doorway, there are ground-level windows; directly in front of you there are four long house tables with benches; and then to your left, at the far end of the room, and running at right-angles to the tables, a fifth ‘high’ table. This is where the teachers sit, with the Headmaster in the middle.

As you walk in, the first table you pass on your left is Slytherin, then Ravenclaw, then Hufflepuff, and finally Gryffindor, furthest from the entrance. 

Behind the high table, in the far right-hand corner of the room (and so nearest to the Gryffindor table) is a doorway leading off into another ante-chamber. This room has a fireplace, and many portraits hanging in it (including one of a wizened old witch named Violet).

Sitting down, the other students are visible at your eye-level as a forest of black pointed hats, and hundreds of lit candles float over their heads, casting a light that gleams off the golden plates and goblets. Depending on the weather, the enchanted ceiling above (which looks just like the sky) may be smothered with clouds or studded with stars, outshone only by the pearly Hogwarts ghosts themselves. 

The Great Hall will look different on special occasions, typically: 

  * **at the End of Year feast** it will be decorated with the banners of whichever House has won the House Cup that year, 
  * **on Hallowe'en** it will be decorated with hundreds of huge pumpkins (big enough for more than one person to sit in) which are carved into leering faces and filled with candles, there will be floating orange streamers winding around up near the ceiling, and clouds of live bats swooping about, 
  * **and at Christmas** there will be holly and mistletoe draped from wall to wall overhead, and no fewer than twelve giant Christmas trees standing at intervals all down the walls, all decorated differently (often by the Charms professor.) 



At this point the Deputy-Head walks in, with the latest batch of first years in single-file behind them. 

They’re lead up to the High Table, they line up in front of it, and the Sorting Hat is placed before them on a stool. Thus the Sorting begins.

After every new student has been Sorted, the Headmaster stands and says a few words before declaring the feast officially open, and the food appears on the many golden plates. 

Then, once everyone has eaten their fill, all the students from the four tables rise and file out – this is when the Prefects start calling to the First Years to follow them.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

**_TO THE COMMON ROOMS. . ._ **

  
You’ll go in a different direction depending on which house you were Sorted in.

 

  
**GRYFFINDORS**

Go up the marble staircase and left, and keep travelling in that general direction; you’ll want to be going towards your left, because Gryffindor Tower is on the easternmost side of the castle, and you’re coming from the north/north-west.

Once you reach the second floor, you can take a short-cut!

Concealed behind a tapestry is a narrow staircase to the upper floors – but watch out, there’s a vanishing trick-step in the first flight up, just before you reach the suit of armour.  
This staircase leads up two flights, to the fourth floor. The exit is also hidden by a tapestry, about halfway down the corridor.

Once in that corridor, take the nearest staircase up to the fifth floor, where’ll you see a statue of Boris the Bewildered (you’ll know it’s him because he has his gloves on the wrong hands).  
Go to the right of this statue and you’ll be on the shortest route to the Gryffindor common room; it's up two more flights of stairs, on the seventh floor.

As you come off the marble staircase from the sixth floor, you’ll see a statue of Lachlan the Lanky, round the corner to your right – Gryffindor Tower is in this direction.

At the end of that corridor there is a portrait of a fat lady in a pink silk dress. She is the guardian to the Gryffindor common room, and to get in you just have to give her the correct password (ask one of the Gryffindor Prefects), after which she will swing forwards to reveal a round hall in the wall, which you will have to climb through.

The Gryffindor common room is in one of the towers, so it's a round, cosy room, with a crackling log fire and lots of squashy armchairs and lopsided tables. The dormitories are behind the doors to either side (boys on one side, girls on the other). They are in turrets off the main room, each one reached by a spiral staircase, where you'll sleep in four-poster beds hung with deep-crimson velvet hangings. By the time you get to these, the Hogwarts House-Elves will already have put your school trunk at the foot of your bed and (if the night's a cold one) warmed up the sheets with a bed-pan.

  
If you somehow get lost on the way to bed, why not ask for directions? There’s a painting of an armoured knight, usually up on the seventh floor, sometimes seen with a fat grey pony. He’s called Sir Cadogan, and if he’s not too busy brandishing his sword at you, he’ll be happy to help with directions – he loves a good Quest, him. He may even accompany you, travelling through other paintings along your route!

If the people in the paintings aren’t in a helpful mood, try checking the view from the windows – the closer the Forbidden Forest appears, the closer you are to Gryffindor Tower, and Hagrid's Hut should also be visible..

 

 

 

**RAVENCLAWS**

  
You also need to take the marble staircase out of the Entrance Hall, then take the short-cut through the tapestry up to the fourth floor.

( _If you’re lost, try asking the Ravenclaw ghost for directions – she’s known as the Grey Lady and you can often find her haunting the corridors of the fourth floor, near the Library._ )

Or you could simply embrace your disorientation and allow yourself to marvel at the intricacy of the castle's floor-plan, as set out by your House's Founder, Rowena Ravenclaw!

However, if finding the common room is really your _true_ intention... 

Take the nearest staircase up to the fifth floor, and when you see the statue of Boris the Bewildered, you need to go to the left of it (this is in a westerly direction – you should be seeing the school Quidditch Pitch out of the windows to your right, and you want to head towards a view of the mountains. If you see the lake straight ahead, you've gone too far. The West Tower with the Owlery at the top is also on this side of the castle, so if you see a lot of owls flying past the window, you're heading in the right direction).

The entrance to Ravenclaw’s common room is only accessible from the fifth floor. 

It lies at the very top of a tower, beyond a tightly-winding spiral staircase, and is accessed through a door which has an enchanted bronze knocker in the shape of an Eagle. 

Once you've knocked, this knocker will prompt you with a riddle or question, some factual some philosophical, and you’re only allowed into the common room once you’ve proved yourself worthy of admittance - by answering correctly!

The Ravenclaw common room is a big, circular room, and boasts the best views of any house in the school.

Through the graceful arched windows you can, if you are sitting, see a view of the surrounding mountains, or if you look directly down you can see the lake, Quidditch pitch, Herbology gardens and Forbidden Forest - a perfectly mind-expanding panorama.

This room has an airy feel to it: the walls are hung with blue and bronze silks (the Ravenclaw colours), the high domed ceiling is painted with stars, and there is a matching midnight-blue carpet on the floor. There are tables, chairs and glass-fronted bookcases, and in an alcove opposite the entrance door, there is a second door (which leads up to the dormitories) and a white marble statue on a plinth.

This statue is of the founder of Ravenclaw house, Rowena Ravenclaw, depicted wearing her famous diadem, inscribed with the words ' _wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure._ ' If you examine her, Rowena appears to look straight back at you, with a rather enigmatic, quizzical half-smile on her face. She's beautiful, but somehow intimidating.

The dormitories are all in turrets off the main tower, where you sleep in four-poster beds hung with sky-blue silks with matching silk eiderdowns. You can hear the wind whistling around the tower windows at night, a sound which many Ravenclaws find restful. 

 

 

**HUFFLEPUFFS**

  
You leave the Entrance Hall from the ground-floor, by exiting through the door which lies to the right of the marble staircase. You don’t have far to go, only down one level.

If you do manage to get lost, try asking the Hufflepuff ghost for directions. He’s called the Fat Friar – easily recognisable by his monk’s robes – and he’ll be only too happy to help. 

The entrance to the Hufflepuff common room is in the same broad stone corridor as the Kitchens, which – as a rough guide – are directly underneath the Great Hall (they’re behind a painting of a bowl of fruit, by the way, which you should pass on your left).

On your right you’ll see a stack of large barrels standing in an alcove – the entrance is in here.

You enter in a similar way to Diagon Alley: by tapping the barrel two from the bottom, middle of the second row, to the rhythm of the name _‘Helga Hufflepuff.’_

(Uniquely among the common rooms, the entrance to Hufflepuff is booby-trapped!

If you’ve tapped the wrong lid, (or the right lid but to the wrong rhythm), another lid will spring open and drench you in vinegar! So if one of your House-mates has a particularly poor sense of rhythm, you might want to volunteer to open the door for them. Or if you yourself are cursed with a lack of timing, you might want to brush up on a good cleaning spell or two. No one likes smelling of vinegar, after all.

So good luck!)

But if you've tapped the right lid, to the right rhythm, it will swing open and you will have to crawl along a sloping earthy passageway, a short distance, and emerge into the Hufflepuff common room, which has a ground-level view (through a series of round windows) of the dandelion-dotted lawns to the west of the castle, at foot-level. 

Hufflepuff's is arguably the cosiest of all four common rooms. The first impression you'll probably have, on walking in, is of the plants. There are lots of them, either standing in pots on the window sills or hanging from the ceiling. (This is why Hufflepuffs are so often good at Herbology.)

The room itself is earthy, low-ceilinged, and circular, with lots of overstuffed sofas and armchairs upholstered in cheerful yellow and black. The wooden mantelpiece over the fire is carved with a pattern of dancing badgers, and the painting hanging above it is of Helga Hufflepuff herself, toasting you with a tiny golden two-handled cup.

It feels perpetually sunny in the Hufflepuff common room, even though you're at dungeon level, and all the tables (and the round doors leading to the dormitories) are of highly-polished, honey-toned wood, adding to the feeling of warmth. There's a lot of burnished copper around the place, too: in the hanging plant-holders, and the copper lamps which cast a warm light over the dormitories, and in the copper bed-pans hanging on the dormitory walls, should you need warming up during the night.

Speaking of night, you'll be sleeping in four-poster beds, all covered with patchwork quilts.

 

 

 

**SLYTHERINS**

  
Like the Hufflepuffs (in this if in nothing else) you exit from the Entrance Hall. 

Take the door to the _left_ of the marble staircase, down to the dungeons, and then keep going straight on (i.e., in a southerly direction). The Slytherin common room is the most well-concealed of any – it’s behind an apparently unremarkable stretch of blank, damp stone wall, and you can only get in if you know the password (ask a Prefect to find out what it is, but don’t let anyone from the other houses overhear you.)

Unusually, the windows of the Slytherin common room look into the depths of the Hogwarts lake, which makes the light in there all green, and gives this room the air of a spooky, underwater shipwreck. You can even see the giant squid swimming by from time to time.

The room itself is long and low (since it's underground), with rough stone walls and ceilings. It's lit by round greenish lamps, which hang on chains, and the mantelpiece over the fire is elaborately carved, as are the chairs standing around it.

As a Slytherin you can obviously look after yourself, but if you're lost there’s a useful spell you can learn: place your wand flat on your palm and say ‘Point Me.’ It will spin like a compass needle and point north. The Slytherin common room is in the opposite direction.

However, if you’re _really_ lost, it might be worth asking the Bloody Baron for directions. He’s the Slytherin house ghost, and he’s pretty difficult to talk to, even for Slytherins. Just, whatever you do, _don’t ask him how he died..._  


	3. Your First Day

Once you’ve rested the night, lessons start on the 2nd of September.

You’ll get your timetables during breakfast in the Great Hall – your Head of House will hand them out.

( Also, the morning owl-post arrives during breakfast, so if you’re expecting a letter or you’ve forgotten something back home, look out for the owl carrying it. )

   
 

**NEED TO KNOW**

 

Lessons start at nine, so you’ll want to be eating at round eight-thirty, to give yourself enough time to collect your things and find the classroom.

You’ll know when each lesson is beginning because a bell sounds throughout the castle.

The school-day is divided into three periods of forty-five minutes each in the morning, with a break in between (break is after the first period for years one to five, after the second period for NEWT students), then lunch, and three more periods in the afternoon.

Though there are six periods altogether, you will not usually study more than four _subjects_ in a day. This is because some of your lessons will be doubles, in which case you’ll only have one subject spanning two periods back to back. Doubles in practical subjects - such as Potions, Herbology, and Care of Magical Creatures - are taken with students from another house.

The houses double as follows:   

> **Gryffindor:** Potions (Slytherin), Herbology (Hufflepuff), Care of Magical Creatures (Slytherin).  
>  **Ravenclaw:** Potions (Hufflepuff), Herbology (Slytherin), Care of Magical Creatures (Hufflepuff).  
>  **Hufflepuff:** Potions (Ravenclaw), Herbology (Gryffindor), Care of Magical Creatures (Ravenclaw).  
>  **Slytherin:** Potions (Gryffindor), Herbology (Ravenclaw), Care of Magical Creatures (Gryffindor).

Dinner is served before six in the evening and curfew for fifth years and above (after which you’re expected to be back in your common room) is nine pm.

Holidays fall on Christmas and Easter (two weeks) and there are feasts on Hallowe’en and Christmas Day.

( If you’d like to _stay_ at Hogwarts over the breaks you have to put your name down on a list of students – your Head of House will come round with it in early December. )  
   
So, to the lessons. . .

 

* * *

 

**FIRST YEARS**

  
Here are the Seven Subjects and Where to Find Them.

1\. Astronomy: once a week at midnight on Wednesday (you’ll need your brass telescope and any star-charts you have, possibly your winter cloak too, if it’s chilly out). The Astronomy Tower is the tallest tower at Hogwarts, and it’s located almost directly over the entrance to the castle. Once there, you can see the castle’s entrance doors to your left, and Hagrid’s Hut over to your right. To reach it, you go up the marble staircase from the Entrance Hall, round the corner (left), down the corridors, then up another flight of stairs (to the second floor). Go down the corridor to the tapestry, pull it back to take the short-cut up to the fourth floor (taking care not to fall through the trickstep halfway up the first flight), and then find the corridor at the base of the tower, where you can take the steep spiralling staircase up to the top.

2\. Charms: 3rd floor corridor, on the north side of the castle (with a view of the entrance drive). If you see a painting of a load of drunken monks, you're in the right area.

3\. Defence Against the Dark Arts: 2nd floor, possibly moving somewhere else if needed. 

4\. Herbology: out in the grounds, round towards the direction of the Forbidden Forest, lessons are held in the greenhouses on the east side of the castle (if it’s a morning lesson, the sun will be in front of you as you walk out; if it’s an _afternoon_ lesson, the sun will be behind).

5\. History of Magic: 1st floor, north/north-east side of the castle (one of the windows in the corridor outside the classroom has a view of Hagrid’s Hut, so you want to be moving left off the main staircase), round the corner from a suit of armour.

6\. Potions: (usually a double-lesson, you’ll need your cauldron, brass scales, phials, potions kit and ingredients, and possibly your dragon-hide gloves for handling any harmful substances) down below ground-level, one floor down, in the dungeons. 

7\. Transfiguration: [  _all we know is the Transfiguration department is 'miles away from Umbridge’s office’ which is on the 3rd floor, facing west_ ]. So probably east, and on a different floor.  

 

 

> ( There are also Flying lessons in first year, which are taken out in the grounds on the lawns next to the Quidditch pitch. Don't worry about getting hold of a broom, the school will provide them for the lesson, and first years aren't allowed to have their own brooms in any case. ) 

 

* * *

 

 

**THIRD YEARS AND UP**

Also study two or more of the following…

1\. Ancient Runes (unknown)

2\. Arithmancy (unknown, but I have a funny feeling it’d involve the 7th floor or a 7th door.)

3\. Care of Magical Creatures: in the grounds, varying depending on what’s being fed/fled.

4\. Divination: 7th floor at the top of the North Tower, through a trapdoor in the ceiling.

5\. Muggle Studies: inside the castle, on the first floor.

 

* * *

 

 

> In sixth year any students who are of age, or who turn seventeen on or before the thirty-first of August, are eligible for a twelve-week course of Apparition lessons from a Ministry-approved Instructor, commencing in February.
> 
> ( A notice about it will appear in your common room in January, where you must sign your name. )
> 
> Sessions are held on Saturdays to avoid lessons, though the test itself (which can be sat as soon as the student has come of age) may take place during a school-day. Students taking their test during the school year are also eligible for extra practise sessions, which are held in Hogsmeade.

 

* * *

 

 

**OUTSIDE OF LESSONS**

  
If you need to speak to one of the teaching staff their offices are…

  * **Headmaster:** on the seventh floor, north-west side of the school (you can see the Quidditch Pitch from one window). It’s guarded by an ugly stone gargoyle, who will only let you enter with the right password ( for which a trip to Honeydukes may come in handy – see more below ).
  * **Transfiguration:** on the first floor, facing north, with a view of the Quidditch Pitch.
  * **Charms:** on the seventh floor, thirteen windows to the right of the West Tower.
  * **Potions:** in the dungeons, one level down, halfway down the first passage you come to, best reached through the door on the left of the marble staircase and down the narrow staircase.
  * **Defence Against the Dark Arts:** on the second floor, facing south and west, with a view of the lake and the Quidditch Pitch.



( Failing that, try the Staff Room, which is in the left-hand corridor off the Entrance Hall – but beware, it’s guarded by a pair of gargoyles who think they’re hilarious. Or, if you’re sufficiently masochistic to wish to visit the Caretaker – or check the list of Banned Items on his door, to see just how much trouble you’re in – his office is also on this floor.)


	4. Your First Week-End

  
**HOGSMEADE:**

  
_How to Get There and What to Do Once You Have_

 __

If you’re a third year or above, and you have permission, you can visit the local village, which lies north-west of the castle, about half a mile’s walk down the drive.

If you’re NOT a third year (and/or you don’t have permission) you can sneak out to the village through various secret passages.

1\. There’s one underneath the Whomping Willow, which is between the Herbology greenhouses and Hagrid’s Hut (to stop its branches flailing you have to press the big knot on the tree-trunk, long enough for you to crawl through the gap in the roots). This passage is the longest. It's very low, so you have to crawl all the way, and it emerges inside the Shrieking Shack – not what'd you call the most scenic route.

2\. Your best bet is to go to the third floor of the castle and find the statue of Gunhilda of Gorsemoor (she’s the one-eyed witch with the hunch-back). Tap the hump with your wand and say the incantation, ‘ _Dissendium_.’ The hump will open up and you’ll be in a long earth tunnel which ends in a trap-door into the cellar of Honeydukes, the sweet-shop – well worth a visit.

( _There was another passageway behind a mirror on the fourth floor, but that one’s caved in. If anyone tells you to use any other passage into Hogsmeade, don’t listen to them – Filch the Caretaker knows about all of them, even the one behind that statue of Gregory the Smarmy on the fifth floor!_   )

 

Once you’ve reached the little thatched village of Hogsmeade (however you came to be there) you can visit: 

  * Zonko’s Joke Shop: Dungbombs, Stink Pellets, Frog Spawn Soap and more!
  * Honeydukes Sweetshop: a wide variety of sweets including ‘Unusual Tastes’ for the differently-normal.
  * Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop: with a wonderful range of quills, including pheasant-feather.
  * Gladrags Wizardwear: stocks dress robes and a _bewildering_ array of socks.
  * Dervish & Banges: (near the end of the high street), does magical equipment and repairs, a good place to go if you’ve melted a cauldron, unbalanced a set of scales, or crashed your broomstick.



 

Must-Sees include: 

  * The Three Broomsticks: has a wonderful atmosphere and stocks hot Butterbeer – it’s rumoured that the founder of Hogsmeade, Hengist of Woodcroft, used to live here!
  * The Shrieking Shack: on the hill outside the village, rumoured to be Britain’s Most Haunted Building!
  * The Owl-Office: owls arranged in order of speed; local & international deliveries welcome!



 

Or there’s: 

  * Madam Puddifoot’s Teashop ( off the high-street – one for the couples. )
  * The Hog’s Head Inn ( site of the famous Goblin Rebellion. Not really recommended for students since you tend to get some dodgy types in here, and there’s a distinctly goatish smell. )



 

 

**QUIDDITCH.**

 

As you’re walking out to Hogsmeade, you may spot the Quidditch Pitch on your left. 

If you fancy trying out for your own house team, trials are typically held during the second week of term, in advance of the first match (there’ll be a notice about it in the common room). You can put your name down on a list for this on the very first day of term, September the 2nd.

Matches start in November (so practise sessions begin in October), and each house plays every other house over six matches spanning the whole year, as follows:

  * 1) Early November: Gryffindor v. Slytherin
  * 2) Late November: Hufflepuff v. Ravenclaw
  * (Christmas Holidays)
  * 3) January: Ravenclaw v. Slytherin
  * 4) February: Gryffindor v. Hufflepuff
  * (Easter Break)
  * 5) Early May: Hufflepuff v. Slytherin
  * 6) Late May: Gryffindor v. Ravenclaw



There are 14 places on each house team, and remember: the Quidditch House Cup is won on _points,_ not matches!

If Quidditch isn’t your thing, but you still like to fly, why not try a game of Shuntbumps or Swivenhodge with another broom-owning friend?

 

 

 

> **WARNING: ANY STUDENT CAUGHT ATTEMPTING TO PLAY THE BANNED GAMES OF CREAOTHCEANN, AINGINGEIN, STITCHSTOCK OR QUODPOT WILL GET DETENTION AND/OR PROBABLY CONCUSSION.**

 

 

**IN THE GROUNDS**

  
If the weather’s fine, you could always sunbathe on the lawns to the west of the castle, or go for a swim in the Lake (don’t worry about the Giant Squid – he’s quite harmless, and will even submit to having his tentacles tickled on occasion). 

Don’t even _think_ about trying to get into the Forbidden Forest; its motley collection of monsters could give the Black Forest a run for its galleons.  
 

 

**IN THE CASTLE**

  
There are various games, clubs and groups you can join. You could be enchanting in the Charms Club or dangerous in the Duelling Club, you could play a game of Wizarding Chess or Exploding Snap, or (for the really dedicated bore) become a member of the Gobstones Club.

If you’d rather be doing homework, you may need to visit the Library, on the fourth floor.

It closes at 8pm, and you’re not allowed to take any food or drink in there (try it and Madam Pince will hit you with a hurling hex).

In fact, if you’d rather be doing homework then you’ve probably been Confunded, and a trip to the School Nurse is in order. 

You’ll find Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing on the third floor, in the south-west side of the castle (on the way there you’ll be able to see the Quidditch pitch and a bit of the Lake out of the windows to your right). It’s through a big pair of double-doors – perfect for bursting in dramatically when your ailment happens to be particularly urgent and/or impressive.  
 

  
  
**THE HAZARDS OF BEING A STUDENT**

  
If you've been out exploring, make sure not to bring any mess or mud in with you when you come back into the castle. Filch the Caretaker seems to have an inner Secrecy Senser specifically attuned to dirt, because if one drop so much as touches the floor he’ll appear from nowhere and berate you for it. 

Also, his cat Mrs Norris is better than Mrs Skower when it comes to Fighting Grime, so try to steer clear of her (or, alternatively, take to Scourgifying your footsteps wherever you go).

On the other end of the spectrum you have Peeves the Poltergeist, who aims to misbehave and will absolutely go out of his way to ruin your day. Threats are no use against him, unless they include mention of the Bloody Baron (that’s the Slytherin house ghost) but one way to get him off your case is to persuade him that there is some other, far more destructive thing he could be doing elsewhere (after a weekend at Hogwarts, you’ll probably have a few ideas. . .)

 

AT THE END OF THE DAY…

  
If you’d like to write to your parents, telling them you’ve [ **got concussion/detention/a Gobstone lodged in your left nostril]** and need a **[new broom/letter of apology/way to get Gobstone-ink out of your robes]** , you’ll need to visit the Owlery. This is located in a windowless room at the top of the West Tower, just past the statue of Wilfrid the Wistful (if you pass the alcove with the Latin-muttering Bust of Paracelsus, you’re on the shortest route to it). Here you can find your owl, or if you don’t have an owl you can borrow one of the school barn owls.

 


	5. Charts

**CHARTS:**

  
**HOGWARTS & ENVIRONS**

**INSIDE THE CASTLE**

 

 

 

  
  
   
And that is basically all you need to know!

  
So, whether you’re a new or returning student, or just a visitor, I hope you enjoy your stay at

 

**HOGWARTS**

_**The World’s Greatest School for Witchcraft and Wizardry…** _

   
 

 

 

 

~


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